'The Slippery Art'
Part One
Exploding the Myth
This work of genius is aimed at those of you who have suffered the type of nationalistic 'oneupmanship' which is all too prevalent in ski instruction worldwide.
In my experience, whatever country you are in, the lesson begins with the instructor making it quite clear that the only method worth considering is their own and that all other countries offer underqualified instructors who are unable to make half a dozen linked turns without disappearing into the nearest bar and shagging the waitress.
The truth is that many of the instructors are great skiers, at least they are when they're sober but only a very few are great teachers and at ₤250-500.00 a day you want to feel that you are going to learn something apart from which bar offers the cheapest cocktails during 'Happy Hour' and how many chalet maids they get through in a season.
I wouldn't want to mislead you, there is no substitute for instruction on the slopes, 'Exploding the Myth' is merely a guide finding the right instructor and getting the most out of those lessons where ever you maybe taking them.
Before going to press we have decided to 'leak' a few chapters to the members of St.ARS in the way of a foretaste of what's to come and any constructive criticism you might have would, I assure you, be thoroughly welcome.
Watch this space
Dr Ski
Standing on a very slippery surface at an angle of about 30% in sub zero temperatures is not everyone's idea of fun, add to that inappropriate clothing, a screaming hangover and a pair of heavy and very uncomfortable boots and even the most masochistic of us start to wonder but that's not the end of it, strapped to those boots are a couple of planks that clearly have a mind of their own.
You look along the line of fellow victims and see obvious signs of fear and nausea, it's just about then that you catch a whiff of harsh breath tainted with alcohol and Marlboro Reds, yes, it's Herman, your uniformed tormentor as he exits the cable car 20 meters away.
Gliding gracefully to a halt he grins, exposing a set of green and black teeth that he seems to be wearing in for the dog next door,
'Guten Morgen, tooday ve are going to hav fun, alles klar?
Before anyone can utter a word he does a kick turn which demonstrates his obvious double jointedness and delivers a fart which even a Navvy on a Guinness and curry diet would have been proud to own up to,
'Jetzts geht los, ve are skiing like this is.'
Within 30 seconds the slope is strewn with writhing bodies and various pieces of equipment, you hear a Mother of two from near Watford whimpering,
'I heard something crack'
At which point 17 stone Roy, a postman from Cardiff hits you hard from behind and everything starts to go black, in the last seconds of consciousness it's Herman
'Vhy are you skiing like in Frankreich? Next time Vun by Vun OK?
Part One
Exploding the Myth
This work of genius is aimed at those of you who have suffered the type of nationalistic 'oneupmanship' which is all too prevalent in ski instruction worldwide.
In my experience, whatever country you are in, the lesson begins with the instructor making it quite clear that the only method worth considering is their own and that all other countries offer underqualified instructors who are unable to make half a dozen linked turns without disappearing into the nearest bar and shagging the waitress.
The truth is that many of the instructors are great skiers, at least they are when they're sober but only a very few are great teachers and at ₤250-500.00 a day you want to feel that you are going to learn something apart from which bar offers the cheapest cocktails during 'Happy Hour' and how many chalet maids they get through in a season.
I wouldn't want to mislead you, there is no substitute for instruction on the slopes, 'Exploding the Myth' is merely a guide finding the right instructor and getting the most out of those lessons where ever you maybe taking them.
Before going to press we have decided to 'leak' a few chapters to the members of St.ARS in the way of a foretaste of what's to come and any constructive criticism you might have would, I assure you, be thoroughly welcome.
Watch this space
Dr Ski
Exploding the Myth
Preface
Preface
Standing on a very slippery surface at an angle of about 30% in sub zero temperatures is not everyone's idea of fun, add to that inappropriate clothing, a screaming hangover and a pair of heavy and very uncomfortable boots and even the most masochistic of us start to wonder but that's not the end of it, strapped to those boots are a couple of planks that clearly have a mind of their own.
You look along the line of fellow victims and see obvious signs of fear and nausea, it's just about then that you catch a whiff of harsh breath tainted with alcohol and Marlboro Reds, yes, it's Herman, your uniformed tormentor as he exits the cable car 20 meters away.
Gliding gracefully to a halt he grins, exposing a set of green and black teeth that he seems to be wearing in for the dog next door,
'Guten Morgen, tooday ve are going to hav fun, alles klar?
Before anyone can utter a word he does a kick turn which demonstrates his obvious double jointedness and delivers a fart which even a Navvy on a Guinness and curry diet would have been proud to own up to,
'Jetzts geht los, ve are skiing like this is.'
Within 30 seconds the slope is strewn with writhing bodies and various pieces of equipment, you hear a Mother of two from near Watford whimpering,
'I heard something crack'
At which point 17 stone Roy, a postman from Cardiff hits you hard from behind and everything starts to go black, in the last seconds of consciousness it's Herman
'Vhy are you skiing like in Frankreich? Next time Vun by Vun OK?
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