Dear Dr Ski
Despite what some of my 'so called friends' might say I am a mad keen skier but I only get the chance to be on the slopes for about a week a year, how can I get the very best out of such a limited amount of time, I am determined to improve.
Bottoms up
Ruby Murry

Dear Ruby
I make no excuse for using your question as an opportunity to reveal my latest breakthrough in mastering the Slippery Art. My avid readers have been gagging to know my thoughts after the failed attempt by the renowned Eek and his University Chums to create a mathematical formula which would determine individual skiing ability, I think I can say 'I've cracked it' and you and your friends at St.ARS will be the first to feel the benefit.
I was reading an article about the Five Tibetans (don't try that spinning thing after half a bottle of the house white, I disappeared out of the french windows which wouldn't have been a disaster if I hadn't been on the first floor) when I had what can only be described as a Eureka Moment. I suddenly realised that 3 is the key number in almost everything - Father, Son, Holy Ghost - Chicken Madras, Naan bread, Pillaw rice - Tequila, Vodka, Red Bull - Menage a Trois and of course, the Three C's in all sport that gives us an adrenalin rush. No Ruby, not Chardonay, Chenin Blanc and Curry, I refer to Control, Confidence and Courage, you need all three in abundance if you are to really improve but how do you measure and monitor this desired improvement?
Let me introduce you to THE FiBaTa RATING it allows you to calculate your skiing potential and monitor your progress and, not surprisingly, it has 3 elements:
Fi - Fitness
Ba - Balance
Ta - Talent

The Fi Test.
Put a 10 kilo weight in your back pack, I suggest a bag of sand, sugar or flour or in Robert's case you can use your wallet, Justin need only put in his make up and vitamins and Nick can pack his 'short eats'. Walk briskly or jog over a 10km course, after each 1km section check pulse (if it exceeds 100bpm STOP immediately). Check for perspiration, if merely damp OK (if sweating profusely and it smells like Guinness STOP immediately). Check breathing, if normal OK, (if panting like a bitch on heat STOP immediately, Max please note 'that's STOP the exercise' not STOP breathing). For every 1km completed score 1 point up to a maximum of 10.

The Ba Test.
Familiarise yourself with the Yoga position known as 'The Tree' centralise your weight over your left foot, close your eyes, adopt the position, for every minute you are able to remain centralised and in balance score 1 point up to a maximum of 10. Change to your right foot and repeat the process, for those with only one leg (or one good leg Simon, Mike O, Robert) - do the exercise once, multiply the result by 2 and take 80% of the total, what chance any of you three getting that one right?

The Ta Test.
How on earth do you measure Natural Talent I hear you say, the answer is simple - you can't. Some people are considered lucky, they can try their hand at anything and before you know where you are they seem to have mastered it. If you fall into that category you score zero on the Ta Test, that's right 0, the Ta Test is set up to measure not Natural Talent but Hidden Talent and it works like this:
Give yourself a score between 0 - 10 based on your perceived Natural Talent, if you've got any doubts ask a real professional like Georg, he'll soon tell you how crap you really are, now find yourself a near vertical descent, preferably narrow and rocky, forget technique, jump in and go for it, 10 seconds later if you find yourself at the bottom, in one piece with all your equipment intact score 10. If, on the other hand, you go arse over tit on the first turn, lose most of your kit and suffer multiple cuts and bruises score 1. If you fail to jump in and find yourself in a long traverse to the nearest mountain restaurant score 0. Most of you will score something in between, give yourself 1 point for every successfully completed turn. The last element of the Ta Test is based on stamina, have you every been guilty of any of the following: Have you ever missed an Apres Ski? Had a non alcoholic drink after 3.00pm? Had a non alcoholic drink before 3.00pm? Missed a day's skiing? Had (God forbid) an early night? Taken the morning/afternoon off? Made a traverse to avoid a steep chute? Made an airport transfer/cleaned apartments rather than go skiing? Dipped out on a round of shots? Left an unfinished drink? Start with a total of 10 and deduct one point for each of these heinous crimes.

Your FiBaTa Rating can be a maximum of 60
Fi 0 - 10
Ba 0 - 20
Ta 0 - 30

40+ You are making it up
25+ you are heading in the right direction
10+ There's still hope
0 - 9 You need help

Good luck for the coming season and Ruby you have more Hidden Talent than almost anyone I know, I am sure I will be seeing a massive improvement.

Yours

Dr Ski