Dear Dr Ski
I hope you can help me, I am a bit nervous as I have never contacted one of these types of interweb communal sites, but with the passing of time I have become more and more concerned, nay desperate about my plight.
Many years ago when I was but a youngish middle aged virgin, a good friend (or so I thought), said to me 'Listen you sad snivvelling no hoper, you couldn't get laid even if you were a ski instructor'. These comments were deeply hurtful, but as I came to realise, probably true. Although not a ski instructor, I finally realised this would have to be my last resort. So nervously, at the age of 72 1/2, I have taken the plunge. I spotted an advert on the interweb by a nice man from Nigeria, that promised me, if I sent lots of money to his sick aunt in a place called Lagos, along with all my bank details, he would send me a genuine piece of paper with the words Ski instructor written on it. Included would be five tokens for a guarantee of sex with an animal of my choice anywhere in a place called the Alps.
Do you think I am doing the right thing? (I am hoping to go to my grave having lost my virginity to prove that nasty friend wrong.........Although I was hoping this would be with a girl)
Yours hopefully

The Very Rev S R Rist

Dear Snivvelling No Hoper
I have never heard such a load of nonsense in my entire skiing life, do you people not understand that I have an international reputation to protect?
In future I can only give help and advice to those with genuine questions and queries about skiing and related matters, I hope I have made myself abundantly clear.
Regards
Dr Ski
PS: Just between us, I understand there is a breed of cattle living in the Austrian Alps with horns like handlebars, if you can grasp those from behind you'll get a ride like a Kawasaki on methane, but you didn't get from me. DS