Dear Doctor Ski
I think it is generally accepted that I am one of the best skiers around and, of course, excel on the steeper and more difficult slopes however one or two of my less talented friends have started to question my awareness when it comes to the subject of safety, particularly when we ski off piste. Please find attached photos of my equipment and a brief overview of my understanding of what is required when 'ripping up the back passage with the Misty Bum Boys' I'm sure I've got it right...............as usual.
JB Northampton

Dear Sir or Madam
Thank you for your enquiry, as soon as I viewed the attached photos alarm bells began ringing and my fears where confirmed when I read through your notes, where do I start? Technically there is nothing wrong with your all leather Prada backpack but I should point out that removing the air canister, probe and shovel to make room for your deodorant, moisturiser and hair products is an absolue No, No. I take your point about 'working up a sweat climbing Moroikopf and wanting to look your best for the descent' but your safety and that of the mugs..............the friends you ski with must take priority over your image. Let's gloss over the benefits of wearing a helmet as opposed to looking your best in the bar and deal with the question of 'Beeps or Ipod', in our experience no one yet has saved a colleague by playing 'The best of the Kaiser Chiefs' after an avalanche , no wonder you experienced such difficulty finding the avalanche transeiver during the 'beeps training' last January. Having all the kit is one thing, being able to use it is another, we thank you for bringing this to the attention of all potential off piste skiers, hope that helps.
Regards
Dr. Ski