Dear Doctor Ski
I have a problem, well actually I have many problems but let's just talk about skiing, over the last few years I have invested vast sums of money in the latest clothing and equipment and spent hours on the slopes with my ski Guru, however I am still unable to eliminate excessive hand, arm and head movement, particularly when skiing the more tricky terrain. What can you suggest? I have attached a short video clip which may help with your diagnosis.
Robert C
Cambridge
Dear Robert C,
Thankyou so much for the video clip, having watched it the analysis took a little longer than we anticipated as nobody could speak for some considerable time after the initial viewing - God how my sides ached - but believe me all is not lost. The excessive movement, and by golly it is excessive, has two possible causes neither of which has anything to do with your clothing or equipment you will be relieved to hear, mind you a word of advice, ditch the Green Goblin outfit next season everyone's wearing mauve.
This is only a guess but part of the problem may well be hereditary, this type of arm flailing and head nodding can be the result of excessive Jewishness but more importantly it is clear from the video that you suffer from Bobbington's Syndrome, this complaint is stress related and that explains why it gets worse as the terrain becomes steeper and more challenging. We particularly enjoyed your impersonation of a whirling dervish as you skied Black Osthang and whilst we are sure that your family and friends will be disappointed, you will be pleased to hear that Bobbington's Syndrome is easily cured, you simply need to adopt the Buddist technique of reciting a Mantra whilst skiing. This cure is widely used, next time you are on a steep, icy mogul field listen to the other skiers, many will be saying over and over 'Don't ski like a wuss' or 'point the f**kers downhill' In your case we suggest you try 'what's with the head already you schmock'. Hope that helps
Regards
Dr Ski
4 comments:
Dear Dr Ski
Words cannot express the gratitude I feel for your timely and expert advice. To help with my condition I have recently had a foreskin implant, and doanted my business acumen to a charity known as Scuttle Tours. I hope this will aid with my affliction
yours 'The Rabbi'
Dear Rabbi,
What sound advice the nice Dr Ski gives. He is right to worry about excessive body movements - particularly the excessive hand movements. He omitted to warn of immanent friction burns often heralded by the onset of a white stick. Your nice friends from St Ars will be on hand to advise on this, though like Dr Ski may be having problems with sore sides. Thank goodness for Dr Ski.
Nursey Nursey. Have had problems with friction burns there for many years now. Can you recomend a suitable embrication
yours 'The Rabbi@
Dear, dear Rabbi,
And I thought your mother always said you were such a nice boy.
With reference to your query about embrication - I can recommend a special clinic on the hill called 'taps' - they specialise in lubricology. Establishing a world class reputation in their field. It is advisable to take a friend or two for support as it can often be difficult to remember afterwards exactly what happened.
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